gatonina | Journal: Black Shadows

[An extremely blurry photo of what seems to be three figures. None are distinguishable. Something's blocking part of the lens.]

Edited 2020-07-02 04:33 (UTC)

[A less blurry series of photos follows, slowly improving in both framing and clarity.

-The beginnings of a garden.
-A gray rabbit.
-Three rabbits, gray, purple, and blue, all curled up together.
-The gray rabbit again, sleeping, now with her ribbon and bell.
-A shot of the lake, with an eye-covered tentacle lazily waving out in the water.
-A photo of a bowl of soup.
-A photo of a plate of meat and vegetables.
-A photo of assorted petting zoo animals, all grazing and just hanging out.]

Edited 2020-07-02 04:33 (UTC)

[And then the photos start to have people in them. They're all taken from a distance, some blurrier than others; sometimes a leaf or the corner of a building is blocking out part of the frame.

Everyone here will find at least one or two photos of themselves, scattered among these pictures of campers. The thing is-

Nobody in these pictures looks unhappy. Neutral, at best, or facing away from the lens entirely. The person taking these photos seems to have taken care to avoid pasting any into this makeshift scrapbook that show anyone upset or angry.

A note at the bottom reads:

I want to remember them like this.]

Edited 2020-07-02 04:33 (UTC)

[The writing in this journal is heavy-handed and a little hard to read.]

They were already here when I arrived. I wish I had been here sooner, to help, but

I'm helping now. I know it wasn't really her who told me what I have to do, but seeing her face again, I

I don't want this. But I'm going to try.

The plants are all growing. I don't know how long it's been, or how fast they're growing, but I didn't mess it up. They're healthy. I think I'm proud of it.

One of them introduced me to 'horror movies'. Like books and paintings, but they move... they're interesting, but I don't like the ones with "zombies" very much.

I miss the others. Everyone who wasn't already here. I don't want them to come here, but I want to see them again.

Edited 2020-07-02 06:01 (UTC)

I missed them, but it's so hard.

I want to tell them, so much. I want them to stop looking at me and the others like this. Like it's all our fault. The other two don't deserve this, at least.

I can take it. I'm more used to it than they are.

But sometimes, it hurts.

It wasn't supposed to happen like

We really thought we could stop

It wasn't on purpose. It wasn't their fault. It wasn't anyone's fault.

...but it's going to be ours, and I don't want the others to...

I'm not good at talking. Sometimes I wish I could do more of it. Then more of them could be angry with me instead.

Winter didn't deserve this.

I don't know how to help.

I don't know if I can.

Is there going to be room in there for all of them, when more die...? I didn't want that to have to be a 'when'. I wanted to never have to put anyone in there at all.

But it's the only way. I'm more connected, so it's...

I hope they aren't angry with me later. I'm keeping their bodies safe, I promise. It's just...

I understand how it must look. But maybe they don't have to see.

The locked cabins here- I don't understand how they

What happened? How did that one lock itself again?

I hope they'll all be okay. These places seem like they'll all be dangerous, and there's only so much we can do.

Edited 2020-07-02 04:56 (UTC)

I think having to talk to him like this hurts the most.

I hate hearing him sound that way. It's too much like it used to be.

But he's right about my failings, too.

Edited 2020-07-02 04:50 (UTC)

It keeps happening, like we knew it would. Like it has to. It isn't any easier to watch.

But it's so slow. I don't know...

How long will we all be trapped here?

It feels almost wrong to be happy about anything, in this place. Like it goes against what everyone else must be feeling. But

...I am. It feels like it's been so long since we could

I missed you, I missed you, I missed you.

...I knew it wouldn't get to last long.

I'm so sorry. I didn't want to have to

But it's better that it was me. He was innocent. None of them... had to shoulder that weight again.

I'm sorry. I'll make sure he's taken care of.

I'm sorry it can't always be me.

I'm not losing so far. I don't... want to lose.

I don't want to lose any of my team. I feel like I'm responsible for them. But I know what this is.

All we can do is help where we can. Maybe lift their spirits a little...?

We can try.

Journal: Black Shadows

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