TL;CR MEME

[gatonina]

1. Comment with your character.
2. Receive comments from others.
3. Reply to their comments with long ballads and explanations of your characters' relationship throughout the game.
4. Suffer as we have suffered over your CR.

Comments

[vigilantics]

anyway moving onto... w3, which was another big week for many reasons. but we will start with memshare. memshare with belph was interesting, because we somehow completely avoided doing it together in grtimm, but also the two of them shared a lot about their pasts already. but even though steph talked about stuff, actually uh, seeing it happen is way different than hearing about it? and like, all of the war games plotline was highly traumatizing because sometimes you are blamed as the singular cause for gotham falling to its knees and shit ton of deaths, it's fine, but the black mask part is... particularly bad! and she didn't want belph to see that!! it was the lowest point in her life and she didn't want belph to see her that weak, especially since she does still blame herself for most of it!! so when he told her that she's strong, she wasn't really expecting that, because that wasn't what she personally felt then. but even when she couldn't fully agree, it just... made her love him so much more, because he really just sees these parts of her and still loves her.

and then she saw his memory of elcia and... it was weird, because they were younger in that memory and it was obviously before things went Very Bad? so on one hand, it was rather sweet to get to see belph when he was younger and having fun with his friends, and how much of a troll he was back then, and just how alike he and elcia were? and belph mentioned it before, since them being alike is part of the reason things went so poorly since they had the same coping mechanisms, but seeing parts of it (even though the parts steph saw weren't negative) was odd. and like, steph is a jealous person? so there was like, a two second surge of jealousy because she can't help it... but it was just two seconds, because again, even though they were best friends and similar, things went! bad!! for them!!! but it also made steph even more firm in her decision to never leave belph alone. which she was already pretty firm on beforehand, but it was a reminder of what belph lost and what made him become the person he is today, and steph never wants him to think he will ever be alone again.

now onto the break-in, because whew. sometimes you are brainwashed to murder, and then your love interests has to kill you to stop you from killing everyone else (it was very good shit, god bless). but steph's immediate fear after that was that he might hate her. and it was a dumb fear! she is aware of that!! she knew belph would never be mad at her for tricking him like that, especially since a) she didn't mean to do it and b) he murdered in the castle. but disappointing belph is one of the last things she wants to do, so she was afraid he might think differently of her.

but also, she felt bad for putting him in the position of where he had to kill her? he tried to brush it off and say that he's killed before so it wasn't a big deal, but just because you murdered once doesn't make it any easier! especially since like, kara or ash could have done it? and while she generally got along with those two enough that neither of them probably wanted to kill her, the emotional attachment isn't there so emotionally it would have been easier for them? and steph knew it bothered him more than he let on, but also that he would never admit to it because she was directly connected to it and he didn't want to make her feel bad!! so she was upset that she caused him to feel bad, but that there wasn't much she could do about it because he wouldn't talk to her about it.

which was a big Thing for them in general, honestly. steph noticed that, in general, a lot of people in camp had the tendency of not wanting to talk about their feelings and bottling them up and sitting on them? it was tiring, although she did it at times as well?? but... belph is actively suicidal, is the thing, so she knew that the whole NEVER TALK ABOUT FEELINGS EVER thing was doing a lot more damage to him than it might have to someone else, since running from his feelings is the opposite of the therapy that he needs. but she also understood that he didn't want to worry her considering everything else that was also going on, especially since all he's used to is shouldering these burdens on his own. but it really did make her feel so much worse when he refused to tell her stuff! every time he kept insisting he was fine was terrible! at least say you're not okay because, even if it's not everything, it's honest!! but she can only press him to talk to her so many times before she just becomes a broken record, and after a while she just. started to figure that she really isn't the right person to help him with any of this. i'll get back tot his topic later on because again it comes up a lot.

but also another thing is that, this particular thing was a shared trauma between the both of them? like, both of them had very traumatic lives, and they shared their pasts with each other, but then even in the mg setting, most of the traumatic stuff that happened to them (besides the very basic traumatic concept of being stuck in a mg) didn't happen to them together, if that makes sense? like belph was chosen as a blotter without her, all of her leggy adventures happened without belph, etc. they were mostly just reacting to things that the other one did on their own. there was hikage's death, but even that was something they could mostly just react to. but this was like the first thing where it was like, their active choices lead to this happening, and then they had to deal with it after. and it turned into another reason why she! clung to him as much as she did!!!

also he was wrong about thinking she was trying to punish herself by making him let her look at his wounds. it was mostly just that, even with all her complicated feelings on what happened and even though she blamed herself for it, she... would still put her duty to help others first. so it hurt to look at how she injured belph, but it would hurt more if she didn't do anything to help him. steph just wanted to take care of belph in whatever way she could, and he wasn't really allowing her to do that emotionally, so. any little way she could manage, she wanted to do. ALSO one of the reasons that she thanked him afterwards is that, she was actually comforted over the fact that he could kill her if he needed to? just... the fact that he wouldn't put feelings over the mission, which is such a batman line of thinking which is terrible, but it let her relax a lil more.

i was procrastinating getting to this point and it's the Conversation they had. as previously established, steph is a very emotional person who sometimes does things while under emotional stress! and sometimes those things are smooching!! she did it back in the castle after varian's execution, and then it happened... again... and she was very sorry about it because she knows he wants to wait and she didn't want him to think that she was trying to speed up a relationship, she was just upset and jumped to what immediately came to mind. and then the conversation after made it sound like he was dumping her? which made her even more upset? until he clarified. and the thing is like, even if in the end he decides he never wants to date steph, she'd be okay with it in the end, but in that specific moment when she was already upset about so many other things, it was just. A Lot.

but also... she had been running on the assumption that he likes her back. it was a fair assumption to make? they flirt all the time, he never once said anything to imply that he didn't have feelings for her, but he also never actually flat out said that he likes her. it was just a lot of implication? so, actually hearing the words come from him soothed her a lot and made her feel better, because even if things didn't work out in the end, at least she now had 100% confirmation that their feelings were mutual and that she wasn't chasing after some guy who had no interest in her. it's fine. it made her very happy.

anyway, and then jason died, and it was terrible. it's funny, because in general jason is the bat steph is least close to, back in gotham and also here since he died before they could really do some traumatic bonding!! but dead jasons is a very uh, touchy subject for bats, so she was upset, and then the trial ended up being a mess because of how sketchy nhs was and beau trying to throw the blame into percy and jason. and steph like... really highly appreciates belph more and more!! because she was so mad, but she made a point to go talk to him first before approaching nhs, because belph is generally very good at getting steph to calm down. he may not be aware of it, but his presence is very grounding for her, so being around him makes her want to punch things less and he did that then...

but on the other side of things, it made her worry about belph more?? because that was also when she asked him about his friends, and he was just "uhhh" and!! belph!! he was killing her... because honestly, as much as she hated to admit it, she knew the chances of you dying grew the less friends you had, especially since that was one of the reasons they suspected hikage got killed? so she desperately wanted belph to make more friends, but also understood that it would be a lot harder to do that here than it was back in the castle, since people just came in with pre-made alliances again. and even though steph was also fairly uncertain about her relationships with other people, she at least had? the bats? which was more than belph could say. but it would have broken her heart if he got killed off because other people didn't try to get to know him better, so she kept... telling people to go talk to him, weeps.

ALSO SPEAKING OF TALKING, steph found out winter is veronica like. beginning of w2? i think that was when the npcs were able to start revealing themselves. and they talked and veronica said that she thought belph hated her, and she mentioned the conversation they had in the castle when belph stood up for himself, and steph was just. dying? because she knew veronica cared about belph a lot, but belph is dumb and will avoid people if he thinks he upset them?? and then later on when she found out belph still wasn't really talking to veronica even after finding out it was her, it continued to kill steph more. please... be friends. you're killing your steph.

also, this was the week where she told belph! about her baby! which is very deep, very hard to get lore. the only other person who knows about it is souji, and he found out from memshare, so belph is the only one in murder that steph willingly told on her own. and admittedly, the only reason it got brought up was because the topic came up with dimitri during the mini event so it was on her mind, but she decided that she wanted belph to know about that part of her because it was such a significant part of her life? and she wanted belph to be part of her life, so she wanted him to know these things. and like, she was admittedly worried about his reaction because like... imagine if hikage found out that steph got pregnant as a teenager out of wedlock? they even joked about it together, but she knew that hikage might probably judge her, so she was hoping that belph would not? and he didn't!! and once again, steph loves belph even more.

moving on to w4, which was also terrible for a variety of reasons. and we will start with the break-in, also known as steph will be traumatized from this forever. anyway so, i mentioned before that steph isn't really sure how to deal with the fact that belph is suicidal, because she is very much not. terrible things happen to her a lot, and a lot of the time she'll get depressed over it or repress it and stuff, but she is very much the embodiment of really wanting to live and overcome what happened and that proving herself as someone more than just her mistakes! it's her character arc! so belph, who gave up everything, is difficult. she isn't sure how to help him, other than just constantly reminding him that she will always be there for him no matter what. but the break-in made her feel like she understood him a little better in that regard since uh, gestures at the entirety of it i know you said you read it.

however she obviously is never going to tell him that. maybe like, somewhere down the line in the future? but definitely not at camp, because it was such a hugely traumatic experience and she didn't want to make him feel bad! although, admittedly, she worried that not telling him also made him feel bad, because him not sharing that does to her. but it was just really hard to explain what happened in any sense other than vaguely. but it was very hard, because steph is the kind of person who does like comfort, whether it's physically or verbally, and she really wanted physical comfort but it was emotions week and she didn't want him to get the fuckin whiplash of emotions she was feeling right then because it was all really horrible.

and then the week continued to be terrible, because sanji died! and steph knows that sanji and belph have a close relationship because of what happened in the castle, and that sanji was one of belph's only friends here and that he was definitely hurting more than he was letting on but he was? refusing to acknowledge it?? a lot of people kept pointing out that steph kept losing people, but belph did too, but belph's circle is even smaller than hers and it killed steph that more people didn't check on him. and then of course during the trial and after they learned about the plan that sanji and yams had, and steph knew that it was going to hurt belph since sanji kept it from him? steph understood why they didn't tell her, even if it sucked, but. she knew that belph and sanji were more willing to talk about those kinds of things with each other.

moving on, the hikage visit! she was... weirdly not jealous that hikage visited him and not her, which surprised her because she might have been jealous before? but at this point she was so desperate for belph to have even a little happiness that she would not have cared if hikage had never even sent her letters, as long as belph got them. she needed him to be happy or Else. also admittedly, she wished belph spoke to one of the hosts first before sharing the info, but she had been extremely biased towards the hosts ever since the confirmation that veronica was one, but also she wishes she had told him to do that so she can't entirely blame him for not, since she didn't suggest it.

anyway for the last actual trial in w5, the only reason steph didn't let belph volunteer was because of the whole, suicidal thing. because otherwise, she would still hate it? and not want him to die? but she also knew that someone had to be voted for, and if he wanted to volunteer she would have. allowed it, just unhappily. but since he very actively wanted to die, she was just... no... because she was just scared! about it!! and she realizes there is a chance her fear about it was unwarranted but she still worried. and it probably worked out anyway because if it ended up being belph vs dick for execution she would have probably snapped. it's fine.