gatonina | TL;CR MEME

CAMP GRANDMA (I am sorry)

i hate you

zenitsu, to shinobu, represents potential and the future like all the main characters of kny do to her. however, it became very clear to her immediately that he was from a different time as her when he didn't recognize her. unfortunately, because of that, that meant she had to hold him even farther away than she would have originally. she doesn't have incredibly strong opinions about time travel paradoxes or anything like that and didn't know how much things could shift, but she didn't want to lead him to do or be something just because she's from the future.

for multiple reasons, i think shinobu puts a lot of emphasis on free will and choice and while she does manipulate and persuade when she thinks it's for the best-- something like impacting the future from her vantage seemed more unfair and irresponsible than her usual behavior. that's why while she tried to push him to be something she knew he could be, she didn't want to tell him it was because she saw it from her timeline. she didn't want to say that was someone he absolutely had to be, no matter what.

he can be someone greater, not because she already knew it from her canon period, but because of what she could see presently. after all, he went through his own murder game and was ready to listen again and for all his crying and cowardice, he was still standing and wasn't hiding or running away. she wanted him to become great on his own two feet, not necessarily to become the zenitsu she already knew but because it's not hard to see his utter lack of self-confidence and self-loathing. she could tell he was a very kind soul even if he was also someone who could be annoying.

she also thinks he's someone who's too forgiving, and because of that, he lied to her. the whole asch fiasco that made it so he wouldn't tell her things in the future.

she isn't invested or all that interested in his romantic life because that's his personal business. it was more that asch ripped a choice away from zenitsu, and for someone whose self-confidence is so abysmal, shinobu thought that was an absolutely wretched action to do, especially if zenitsu didn't ask asch to help him confess. their conversation about the way he's treated, about how he seems to think that's how he should accept being treated that way because it's the way he is--

shinobu tried very hard to be supportive. god, she wanted to try and boost him, but she only had half the heart she would have otherwise because being maf broke her. but still, it was also because she was maf that she wanted others to try and stand tall. taller. as terrible or hypocritical as it may be for her to want that of others when it was taking all of to stand after killing an innocent.

even after it could be revealed, that's something they didn't touch on although i imagine it could've been an interesting conversation: the contrast between how he was possessed and murdered and how she was selected to murder. this is an aside, but i'm just thinking about things after the fact and how many potentials i let slip through my fingers because sometimes hindsight is 20/20 and my brain is less rp tired.

anyway, and then he was love arrowed and she was angry about that, too. what a terrible choice and what a terrible time, especially after finding out about what happened between asch and zenitsu in the mansion. she wanted to keep an eye on him, which is why she asked to spend curfew with him, and she felt terrible when he was so withdrawn thursday night and then the curfew effect was painful. shinobu was like, why is this happening!! she hates this!! she felt awful for only making things worse for him, but also, she hoped the week rollover would make things slightly better. she didn't know what all happened to those two love arrowed behind closed doors nor did she especially want to know. she just hoped it wasn't anything too damaging

haha

and then she chose to die, which she hoped wouldn't impact him too much. she wasn't naive to think it would have zero impact, but what she didn't expect was for giyuu to fucking die, too (since even if oocly i had some clue, icly shinobu would not). anyway!!

i need you to know that zenitsu would've been the last person shinobu would've chosen to kill of everyone in camp lmao because of how much he is the future in her mind. even if they found a way to bring everyone back, she wouldn't have wanted him to die. again. she was sure it wouldn't do anything for his self-esteem when he hadn't built himself up to a point where he could face that kind of responsibility. it's not that she didn't think he wouldn't die for the sake of others; it's more like, to her, his confidence and self-image wasn't at a point where dying wouldn't just be harmful. not in those circumstances anyway.

i didn't thread it out anywhere, but zenitsu's murder actually angered her more than either giyuu's or dimitri's because any possible reasoning for giyuu and dimitri made more sense to her than zenitsu. i looked away from tonbo approaching zenitsu in the farewell log because if shinobu would've seen it, she would've charged in, and i could not do that when it was supposed to be a happier ending for people.

it's also why i had shinobu look away from any details about his love arrow week from c3po. during dimitri's trial, she probably would have an inkling about zenitsu's growing feelings for asch (even if i didn't), but she... didn't try too much to press it out of him. she just wanted him to admit that he was feeling not great, more than that she wanted him to tell her that he had feelings for asch.

and then he kept lying to her about asch.

so that's just another reason why she won't approve of that relationship I'M SO SORRY. STOP LYING TO HER ABOUT IT JUST BECAUSE IT'S OBVIOUS SHE DOESN'T LIKE ASCH, ZENITSU. PLEASE I BEG OF YOU

she can begrudgingly grow to becoming neutral about asch because she acknowledges character development.

she's not one to stop people from their relationships even if she disapproves unless it's an obviously harmful/abusive one. i mean, yes, he'll absolutely feel her disapproval radiating off her but it'd be less if he were more honest about it.

anyway she just wanted to try and help him gain a little more self-confidence, wanted him to be able to see himself more accurately. she. doesn't think she was that successful in that, but she hopes that even after the shitty things they had to endure at camp, that he'll still be able to take the steps forward that he deserves to take.

she just wanted him to see that he could be loved, that he deserved to be loved, and that he was more than he thought of himself. he has so much potential. please realize it. it's not like she chose that many other people for rehabilitation training after spider mountain.

i am probably forgetting 20 things but i'll come back if i have more to address (or maybe i won't)

I LOVE YOU, JAE.

The solution to missed opportunities is to indulge in PSLs. /waggles eyebrows at Ara, whom I love

HE'S ONLY LYING BY OMISSION but maybe he'll tell her, one day, if they chat via scrunchies. One day . . . Shinobu was so good to him from start to finish. She deserves the whole(?) truth.

What would she have done after charging in Zenitsu and Tonbokiri's direction, though; I'm curious—

Thank you for this delicious tl;cr. Shinobu is such a good. I'm cry.